2:00pm Saturday Afternoon
Abby: Michael? Can you come outside for a second?
Me: Yes?
I’m pretty curious as to the reason Abby would have me come outside. I came up with some things that went through my head: 1.) Ebenezer has killed yet another rodent outside and has left it conveniently for us to find. 2.) Another tree limb has fallen and I need to use my new chainsaw and cut it up. 3.) Somebody has broken into our cars and been disappointed that our car has not tape deck. 4.) She simply wants me to join her outside because well, there is something for me to see.
M: Well, what’s wrong?
A: I think we’ve got some plumbing issues… in fact I think the sewer line might have exploded.
M:Well, what’d you eat to cause it to do that?
Have you ever said something but wanted to take it back? This was one of those moments.
M: Well, let me see.
As if being a man will give me some secret knowledge about plumbing and explosions… because it won’t and doesn’t.
Both: OH DEAR LORD!
At this point waste and water is flowing like when Moses hit that rock.
M: Who ate corn?
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So I call the company that we have a warranty for, and tell them that our sewer line is flowing like milk and honey in our backyard… in-which they proceed to inform me that’s not their problem. I proceed to disagree… of no success. I love when I call these lines because if I receive a female voice I’m really excited knowing I’ll get a kind and heartfelt response from them and maybe even a hint of care/concern. I hate when I call these lines because if I receive a male voice I’m bummed knowing I’ll get a short and heartless response from them with no hint of care/concern.
A man answered.
I describe the problem. He annoyingly listens. He tells me they’ll send someone out ASAP. I don’t know about you, but when I say I’ll do something ASAP – I’ll do it AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Well, for them it meant Monday at 5:00pm. Are you tracking with me here? That is 51 hours later. No bathroom.
So the plumbing company shows up at 5:00pm Monday and takes care of some other issues at the house… Then we walk outside. Plumber observes the “overflow” and says this:
Plumber: Wow. Busy weekend eh?
Me: Don’t tell me you’ve never seen waste before. How long you been doing this?
P: 20 years. I’ve seen my share.
M: Well… what’s the damage?
P: Well, your sewer line is intact or this would be a lot worse.
A lot worse?!
P: I know what you’re thinking… “a lot worse?!” but yeah, it would be all over your front and back yard. You’d made a lot of new friends in the area.
You think?
P: Don’t worry though… this shouldn’t be too hard to fix initially.
M: Initially? There’s more?
This means that our bank account is about to get a nice left hook to the jaw… i.e. this is going to cost some $$.
P: I’ll run some tests and let you know.
2 hours later. BTW we have guests coming over for home group at 6:30pm.
P: I found your problem. You got roots growing into your sewer line.
M: Yeah? That sounds wonderful. How much is it going to cost me?
P: Well, it won’t cost you anything until you get it fixed.
I can’t write what I thought in my head.
M: Well, okay. How much do I need to pay for the new flush cap?
P: $10.
M: That’s it? Are you sure?
P: Oh yeah… your warranty will cover everything else. I could charge you for a new service fee if you’d like.
Already writing check, ripping it out and handing it to him.
M: That’s okay. Thanks for your time.
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Thankfully we were able to welcome our guests and have running toilets… all for $10. We had a great night, and Abby and I felt relieved… in more than one way.